For those who did not survive the groundhog day with babies, it is often not clear why mothers are so strange, nervous and tired. Well, OK. We will not talk about hormones, extra workload, and existential internal issues. We will talk about the obvious, but not conscious.
Everyone knows that experiments were carried out by different comrades in order to make a man feel how a pregnant woman feels. And now, carrying the extra 8-10-15 kg, the men were imbued with the position of a pregnant woman. And they even found the strength to admit that it was not very easy, and in some cases very difficult. Test drive with babies was not and never will be. Not humanely.
Humane will use the brain, logic and empathy to detect obvious things.
Mom is with the baby 24 hours a day. Motherhood is a special connection and all this is beautiful. Yes. But.
When you want to drink, eat, use the toilet or wash your hands during the day, you do it without hesitation. This does not create any tension for the average person. Mom and baby experience tension for each such action. Because she can’t ignore the child, and he can have his own plans, and at the age of one year it is impossible to explain that the mother also has needs. The child does not understand, he wants to be with his mother. And all her needs now depend on when he fell asleep, what his mood and state of health is.
Can I tolerate? It is possible when it is two days or a week. When this is at least a year, no such patience exists. Accumulation of fatigue and irritation. The splinter is that these feelings are not conscious. Society condemns fatigue and annoyance from motherhood. Mom does not have the right to be annoyed and tired of the child, this is a taboo topic that women themselves often do not speak even inside themselves.
Others rarely seek to give mom a break from the child. A priori, it is believed that mom does not need this. This dad needs to relax after work, eat, calmly talk on the phone, etc. etc. And this is despite the fact that a person freely disposes of himself during the day. But even hourly attention to the child seems an unbearable burden. And dads try to play a computer, sit on social networks, do anything while being with a baby. Most babies give off whims when they turn off their attention. And this is a great reason to return the child to his mother.
Mom, by the way, is unlikely to refuse. Because, in order to take a breath, relax and rest, the mother must be sure that everything is in order with the child. When children are yelling on the couch, and dad is playing in tanks or chatting with someone important “at work,” this is not help, this is additional stress for mom and baby. And this only exacerbates the situation.
A squeamish infant requires not only additional strength to calm down in the moment, but also additional strength for a further long time. The psyche of the little one “starts up” very quickly and “stops” very slowly.
In general, everything is complicated. So much so that some dads cannot find even 1.5-2 hours a day to stay with the child. Because it is really a difficult task. An even more difficult task for dad is to realize that children should not grow up on the same hands if we want to keep the sane mother safe and raise a cheerful child.
According to my sample, only a small number of men consider an assistant (nanny) for mom as a necessity. Of course there are, of course, these husbands usually value family (pair) relationships and are quite mature adults.
Non-growing boys of 20, 30, 40 years old are convinced that the nanny is a gift to a woman and a luxury item, and pair relations do not suffer because of the additional load that appeared in the family, but because the wife somehow changed incorrectly. To convey to the man the thought that nothing has changed in his life, and everything in the woman’s life has changed (and this is stress) is impossible. Inconvenient thoughts do not penetrate infantile heads.
Aerobatics of psychological maturity, when a man can understand, not only about the physical and emotional stress, but also about the social isolation of women. Yes, to some extent, such isolation is normative, but if possible, horizontal social ties should not disappear completely at mom. Unfortunately, in almost all cases of postpartum depression, social exclusion will take place. Not only do immature men with the birth of a child have a thousand and one reason to come home late, but also the very communication with the spouse takes on a strange surface configuration and fades away. All the news of his wife revolves around diapers and children’s vagaries, and this is not interesting for real cowboys. Talking with your wife is also not an option, in the end, a real man has something to have fun, in addition to talking with a woman on maternity leave. Often this leads to conflicts within the couple and even more stress for the woman. Because relying on such a man is impossible.