Fifty-sixty years ago, a case of divorce in the family astounded people. And they sharply condemned both spouses. The indignation of the people was caused, first of all, by anxiety over the fate of the children. How to raise children in the family, if the man left the family? But how to avoid a divorce?
It is known that times are changing and we are with them. Especially if not given enough attention in matters of family education. Of course, in the past there were divorces, but not in such quantities. There was simply no time to think about the similarity of characters and compatibility in sexual relationships.
The reasons for the divorce in the family in those old times were monotonous. Also, the assessments of the divorcing spouses were the same: if the man left, the scoundrel, if the woman left the family, then the martyr who escaped from the despot. Naturally, men were condemned, women were pitied.
Now is different. Divorce in the family has become commonplace. And what a reason for divorce was not called. And reading about them, everyone tries to find his own, because one must somehow justify his divorce in the family. So there is: insulting, humiliating feelings of dignity, causing resentment, continuous reproaches and criticism, lack of affection and understanding.
There are cases when a man comes with a statement about the divorce and declares: “She does not feed me on time,” although you will not tell by sight that he is starving, quite plump and the belly is so solid that any director will envy. And so, there was a conflict in the family due to the fact that they do not run after him with a plate full of food. You will not succeed, you see, to become a happy family, since sure one hundred percent that the path to the heart of a man lies through the digestive tract.
Another case. Divorce in the family in the name of seeking greater understanding, peace, love, finally. Here, married, lived ten years and here on you! Calmness and mutual understanding are sharply required. Ten years have been married, and no one has filed the last brick to complete the family happiness.
Divorce in the family due to the problem of alcoholism in the family is not affected, because irony is excluded here. Too unbearable to live next to a drunkard. And in this case, the divorce in the family will help return to normal life and protect both yourself and the children.
In women, if a divorce in a family occurs on their initiative, the desire for family life is more pronounced than in men. But where is this ideal spouse with all the qualities of a good husband? And here, in her life, he appears, not native to her children, but her dad is good. And there is no such thing as bad, it often happens. Need to try. Can we get on with the characters and find psychological compatibility? After all, he was also unlucky, his wife did not love him. It means that he will appreciate love. Left your two children? So she has two growing up, and raising children without the head of the family will be inferior. And so, an uncle appeared in the house, whom the children should now call dad, though through clenched teeth. After that, his father was denied everything, even tea. They used to say: “If I stop, I will fall in love.” But a woman rebelled against the old order; now she is equal and will not tolerate it.
Arrange life exactly as we would like, almost impossible. And love somewhere goes to the side. And remarried love was not found. And married already not those went. It means better already, in general, alone. And again, a woman finds herself in search …
There are also husbands who initiate divorces in the family, but less often. They call other reasons, not with such high motives as they love or dislike. So, he filed for divorce, together they lived a year. What are the reasons for divorce in the family?
According to this young man, his wife turned out to be a bad housewife, rarely cleans the house, he does not serve lunch and dinner at the right time, then he is not sufficiently salted, then he will surpass, not so much his mother. It was easier for a bachelor to live; mother would at least wash clothes. When asked about the child, the man replied that he would certainly not be divorced if he had been a child and would have done everything himself. But he is not sure that his wife will cope with the child. Therefore, while it is not, it is better to get a divorce. This is the reason for the divorce in the family according to the man.
When they asked his wife, she said that forever her husband would set his mother as an example, they would have learned from my mother. At first she tried to learn, then she got tired. When she was asked about the child, if he was born, would they divorce? She told me that everything in their family did dad, helped mom in everything, cooked himself, bought groceries, so she and her sister had no time to go shopping and hang around in the kitchen. And she wants a child, but she is afraid that she will remain alone with him, because her husband is not adapted to anything.
After this, we can conclude that the parents of the husband and wife did not prepare them for family life, for the performance of family responsibilities. He was not taught and she was not taught. Parents did not teach them independence. But young people got married, started a family. So, we must learn to live in marriage, especially in the first years of marriage, when the family is young. We must learn to overcome the problems of marriage in a place without recriminations and recriminations.
And yet, how to avoid a divorce? Yes, just not divorced. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But many will not understand. They will say how not to divorce, if it is impossible to live with him (with her)? That’s how. You met before marriage, fell in love with each other, so you like each other. And two sensible people who love each other will always find a way to solve a problem. After all, a divorce in a family is not a solution to family problems, as many think, it is a departure from them. People simply run away from problems, then to find them in the next marriage.
Therefore, try to solve your first problems, overcome difficulties, and not escape from them. Overcome the first difficulty, the second, the experience of family life will appear. Further it will be easier, all problems in everyday life and problems in relationships will be solved much easier and easier, as you gain experience in living together. Divide responsibilities in the family correctly, it will not work right away, of course. But over time it will become clear to whom which occupation is more to his liking. Not trying to blame the other spouse, but, on the contrary, begin to do the homework that most attracts you. And, over time, all responsibilities are shared between you.
The only reason that can somehow justify a divorce in a family is the problem of alcoholism in the family. Although everything is not clear. One spouse did not immediately become an alcoholic. Yesterday was a sober child, today – a drunkard, with whom you want to get a divorce. Everything happens over a period of several years (about 10 years for men, about 4 years for women). Therefore, this problem can be solved by destroying it, as they say, at the root, to prevent this harmful passion from developing. But this requires the desire of both spouses. Therefore, if we are already married, the desire to create a happy family and work on this should be the goal for both spouses. As they say, took up a tug, do not say that it is not a lot. Otherwise, why did you marry? To get a divorce in a couple of years?
It is better to live in a family in a place where you are loved, when they are waiting for you to return home, when you are an example to follow your children. And not in the one where the Cold War is being waged and the parties divided into two warring camps. Therefore, choose what family you want to live in, and create one. Therefore, the question of how to avoid divorce in the family can be answered: “Just do not divorce.” No one can give you “magic tips for preserving the family.” No one can save your marriage. And you – you can. So go ahead. On your side is love, common sense and a desire to find family happiness. That is quite enough for you, everything will work out for you, because you have done well for marriage. So create a family in which you want to live, it is in your power.