Becoming a woman is impossible without a maternal factor. Whatever happens, there is always an image of the one through whom the girl understands what it is to be a woman. Since I was born a girl, then what comes from this?
An Infantile mother
This is an overly emotional mother with immature manifestations in life. A woman who was never able to take up an adult stance in life and uses her weakness and inconsistency so that others can solve her problems.
In communicating with her daughter, she constantly strives to be “girlfriends,” perhaps even buying the same clothes. She cannot build the necessary framework in her relations with her daughter, so that the child finds herself in a situation where the girl herself has to become an adult. Often, their daughters talk about the fact that such a mother has repeatedly had to blush, and the whole life of an adult daughter is dedicated to solving the problems of an infantile mother. If there is no strong father figure in such a family (the absent father or the father-sufferer), the daughter will take on the male role as an adult.
For daughters of infantile mothers, sexuality usually presents a territory of big questions and difficulties. Not having the image of a mature woman in childhood, they have to create an image of femininity and adult sexuality in pieces, which they find on the way of becoming: through the images of women in the cinema, through other women in the environment. Their sexuality can be infantile – they are waiting for their partner to reveal their sensuality, rarely taking initiative.
The movement to harmonize one’s femininity will lie through the adoption of an adult woman in oneself, through the conceptualization of the concept of “power” in a woman. Special attention should be given to building boundaries in relations with such a mother, because she may strive for excessive merging and constant participation in the life of her daughter.
Forbidding or cruel mother
Such a mother orders her daughter (in a direct or indirect way) to abandon sexuality. Cruelty can be expressed through words or actions. Often these women are not satisfied with their sex life.
In the sexuality of such a girl, there may be special obsessive desires or scenarios. Often, the daughters of cruel mothers live sexually promiscuous: deprived of maternal warmth in childhood, they offer their bodies in order to receive love and tenderness in return. Daughters of cruel mothers regularly complain of anorgasmia, that they cannot be true to their desires in sex, that enjoying a partner is paramount for them.
The solution to such difficulties can serve as the practice of “slow sex”, when the prelude stretches for a long time and the movements of the partners are very slow, they have the opportunity to pay attention to each gesture and take affection.
A mother who is not present in the life of her daughter does not build meaningful relationships with her. A daughter may perceive herself as an extra element that prevents the mother from living a full life. Often these mothers have an active sex life, but the daughter has no place in what the mother really cares about. A daughter for her is either an annoying duty or a “mistake” that has broken her life. Often, she explains her absence by saying that the daughter is not what she would like.
All this causes severe injuries, and the child is haunted by a sense of longing in life, which can be felt by especially susceptible friends and partners. Strangely enough, it was these, and not, for example, cruel mothers who brought up patients with severe mental disorders.
Daughters of absent mothers in sex tend to “slip away.” For them it is almost impossible to be in the moment “here and now”, they float away to fictional worlds, reproduce the plots of invented stories.
There are a lot of contradictions in close relationships: there is always the difficulty of building true intimacy, they often demonstrate to a partner that they do not value them. The loss of a relationship is destructive for them than for others, there are frequent cases of suicide.
Most harmoniously develop those in whose life was an alternative model of a woman: warm, loving, caring. This may be a grandmother, older sister, a teacher at school. Through such a contact, the girl manages to understand and accept femininity. If this was not, it is necessary to rely on the structuring female image at least in adulthood. Often this can be a kind and accepting female therapist.
This is a selfish type of mother who is interested only in herself, seeks to lead the maximum hedonistic lifestyle, leaving her daughter on the sidelines. The girl sees the mother in the best outfits, with incredible makeup, seducing, desired by men.
Maternity for such a woman is a threat to her sexual power. A growing daughter scares such a mother, she may suspect competition and in every possible way seeks to strangle the femininity and attractiveness of her daughter. Therefore, she will feel like a plain woman, regardless of the actual attractiveness.
In the family there is only room for one beauty, and it will not be a daughter. Subsequently, such a mother may encroach on her daughter’s suitors. Everything should revolve around her, and, depending on the degree of pathology, she will use manipulations of various powers to ensure that the interests of all family members converge on her.
In the sexuality of the daughter of such an image will be overwhelming. As if her sexy mother inspired her: “Only I have the right to enjoyment! But not you!”. Daughters will be difficult to tread the path to enjoy sex. Often there are difficulties in achieving orgasm: the feeling of own unattractiveness makes the fact that a man chooses her something supernatural. Therefore, she is ready to sacrifice her enjoyment for his desires and comfort.
To achieve harmony, the daughters of sexy mom need to learn to accept emotions. It is important to learn to express anger and resist the toxic image of your mother and other women of this type.
This is the complete opposite of sexy moms! A frigid mother spreads around the topic of sensuality a deadly cold, precipitating and humiliating any manifestations of sexual behavior in her environment. Denying sexuality, flirting, falling in love, she teaches her daughter to see in the manifestations of sensuality base, unworthy. Often incredibly harsh and “castrated” statements are used.
Often, the daughters of such mothers at the time of the teenage rebellion revolt against the attitudes of the mother, going to the most incredible extremes, admitting dangerous situations and even reaching a certain type of addiction. At the same time, their sexuality will remain “in captivity”: the stronger the inner suggestion instilled by the mother that what she does is unworthy, the more desperate will be the ways in which she will try to break these chains. However, such attempts are doomed to failure.
For each of us, the most difficult job is to set the image of the mother aside, that is, to stop acting contrary to or according to her morality. Find yourself and your essence beyond the views and points of view of the mother.
Finding your identity is important to every woman, but for daughters of frigid mothers this is most important. When a girl who has played in protest realizes that she continues to reside in the territory where her mother conducts, puts down her arms and sees herself for real, then we can talk about moving towards harmonious sexuality.
This is a special kind of cruel, selfish, and forbidding mother, who will appear to be perceived by others as the sweetest person, while at the same time filling the lives of their loved ones with anguish and a suffocating sense of freedom. The daughter will not be able to complain about such a mother, about this domestic terror – she will not find support for anyone and will eventually only be convinced of her own worthlessness.
Such a mother is a gray wolf from a fairy tale about Little Red Riding Hood, who is dressed in the dress of a kind grandmother. A distinct feeling of “double message” will be felt at every moment of time. “Yes, daughter, go for a walk with your girlfriends. It’s interesting to me here, nothing, I’ll sit alone one day,” says such a mother with shaking lips. For daughters of such mothers, it is absolutely impossible to choose the right behavior: their mother will always find a way to stir up the feeling of guilt – the main instrument for such a woman to build relationships, centered on her alone.
Again, this is a type of education, echoes of which are found in patients of psychiatric wards and in patients with severe eating disorders. Often such women admit that the mother never spoke directly about these feelings, but everything was arranged in such a way that the daughter acted against her will in the interests of the mother, while remaining with great frustration and guilt.
In sexuality, she will constantly feel that the partner is not sincere with her. When he praises her for a wonderful night, she will think that something is wrong here and he just does not say what he really wants.
The path to becoming for such women often lies through religious or spiritual organizations, where they learn sincerity and acceptance. From a psychological point of view, work with a sense of guilt and learning to interact with the world in all sorts of ways comes to the fore, avoiding manipulations of offenses.
Finally, the image of an ideal mother. She harmoniously built a relationship with her sexuality. It is not particularly spread on this subject, it does not share details and details. But if, as an adult, the daughter asks about the sexuality of the mother, she will understand that the mother was happy. Having no direct information, her daughter draws such conclusions, recalling the intonations of her parents, when they clearly not without reason specified the time when she would return home from the party, as well as on the glow of their faces after the weekend in the rest home: definitely, it was not only in the fresh air.
This mother shows a sufficient amount of affection for her daughter, she is benevolent and friendly, but still remains a mother, not asking for her friends. Growing up in such a framework is pleasant and reliable. Unpleasant confrontations with the outside world may not happen, but the daughter is convinced: no matter what trouble she gets, the mother will help and support her, you can always talk to her.
At the time of the emergence of sexuality, such a mother will do everything on time: she will buy the first bra, take her to the cosmetician during teenage acne, discuss menstruation and hair removal issues, strongly recommend her daughter harmonious outfits, but at the same time take on the oddity of her youth like strange haircuts and unnatural hair dyeing .
If the daughter asks, the mother will talk to her about sex, tell the most important things, not scaring the daughter, but also not pushing her into the arms of the first comer. Discovering the world, making mistakes, the daughter will be more courageous to go through life, because behind her is such a strong, but at the same time not pressing and requiring nothing rear.
Each person has children’s insults, they are of different strengths and depths. However, in adulthood, we understand that no matter how difficult a mother’s personality is, this is explained by her own childhood and the era in which she grew up. Be that as it may, each of us is an adult who is fully responsible for his life and his happiness, and our task is to let go of children’s resentment, to harmonize ourselves in the event of deep emotional trauma and to be a completely different mother to our children.